What is the balance between too much effort, doing  without  softness,  and  kinesthetic delight, that subtle sensation of rightness that is, maybe, indulgent?  I find myself trying to be better, stronger, in less pain, be lovable.  It’s  effortful.  Also I find myself working on what’s wrong. Kinesthetic delight feels different.   When I find this delight, I sense relaxation with being alive, in the midst of effort, and everything changes.  My training in classical ballet and  Merce Cunningham technique required so much effort.  And I loved it,  this sensation of big trying and strong muscles. I loved  showing up again and again for  rigor and repetition.   Then slowly slowly it became something I had to feel.  I had to feel  effort in order to feel any thing.  Much later  kinesthetic delight was revealed and offered a different way.  Now the effort  is to remember to come back to this very moment and find the gentle delight.

desolate/delight project, 2008-2010, Naropa U. MFA program